RECLAIMING MY GROWTH


Sometimes it's difficult for those who are stagnant, to both understand, and respect change in someone they've always "known."

In a post last year, I talked about how its never to late to switch up, and be who you've always wanted to be, without letting fear hold you back from it. To be completely transparent, I was AWFUL in elementary through the early parts of high school (a long ass time).

For background, I moved from a predominately Black neighborhood and school, to a more mixed race school, with more whites than at my previous school in elementary. I was picked on for being the Black girl, and me being strong willed like I am now, I changed the game, and became the bully (chuckling as I type but it's still not okay). Then once I got to middle school, I carried that same demeanor, because at that point it was who I was. Somewhere round eighth grade or freshman year, I wanted to change, because I knew that that wasn't me. However, given that my middle school and high school were connected and filled with the same people, I felt like I didn't have the space to be "someone new."

So day after day, I carried around this mean girl persona almost in like autopilot, because I was afraid they wouldn't accept or believe who I wanted to be/knew I was. I started making changes around junior year, but my true transformation didn't start until college, and my journey of self frankly didn't start until early 2016.

What I give myself praise for though, is the recognition of issues that existed, and my willingness to change them. I bring this story up, because it can be difficult to work on yourself, to grow, or to refine yourself, around those who are stagnant. Unfortunately for them, it is not easy to grasp the concept that people can change, and often times should. I believe that becoming your best self is a journey, in which you never quite get to your destination, because you are always in refinement.

In this season of my like I'm changing so rapidly as I step further into my purpose, that all I can do is buckle up for the ride. However, it becomes counterproductive when those who have always "known" you, questions the validity of your growth or of your journey.

Often times, as with my middle school self, fear of opinion will hold us back from even attempting to be who we know ourselves to be in our hearts and spirits. Don't let it. The change that should be made here, is to rid or distance yourself from those who make you feel stagnant, or don't allow you to grow.

I've come to the harsh conclusion that my personal peace is most important to me, even if that's at the expense of someone else's, and I won't apologize for that. It is what arms me to take on the job of helping other, but I cannot pour from an empty glass.

With the extreme growth that I'm experiencing right now, it is quite honestly important for me to isolate myself, so that I can fully step into my purpose. So that I can create, and ideate uninterrupted, but most importantly, so that I can protect my peace from those who will force me to be stagnant with them. However, stagnancy is like a place that I could never live. Therefore, I am both reclaiming and owning my growth, because it isn't just growth, it's who I am.

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