This episode starting with C.R.E.A.M. is the single, Blackest shit they've done thus far and I am living! I'll start with the caveat that, I tend to stay away from relationship topics, because ya girl is FAR from an expert. However, this episode was packed with relationship topics that I'd love to add my perspective too. Like how you should have an existence outside of your partner, or how you shouldn't date for superficial reasons, and why you shouldn't neglect your friends for your partner.
YOU CAN'T DATE SERIOUSLY, SUPERFICIALLY
For starters the awkward silence during that car ride, was damn near painful to watch! However, I had to take my mind out of where I am now, and put it into where this fresh outta high school, almost first love baby's mindset is. Every time she didn't know what to say, I hollered out yikes. Just like when Cash got back in the car after giving his dad that money, and she just sat silently, yikes.
The most uncomfortable part about the conversation or lack their of, was the portion about dating for your brand. From my perspective, when you are thinking about dating someone, the last thing that should be on your mind, is what other people will think about it, or how it will look.
When Zoey asked Cash if he would still date her if she didn't fit into this box, and when he reversed the question and ask if she'd still be with him if he didn't play ball, I double cringed, because they were both unsure. Call me old fashioned, but I want a partner that is good for my soul, and not my image, or this idea that I have about what we should look like, or be like.
I understand that this is a show about college kids, but we need to get to a space where we are dating beyond looks, because physically attraction alone won't hold up long.
HAVE AN EXISTENCE OUTSIDE OF YOUR PARTNER
That first love is intoxicating. It's, I know we've only been apart for five minutes but I'm missing you like crazy already. It's suffocating, and smothering, and before you know it, your entire life is tangled up in your partner. While I don't see anything wrong with being around your partner often, you must keep your personal identity.
I was talking to one of my friends, and she discussed how her and her partner have a schedule of sorts. Given that they both work full-time, and are in full-time graduate programs, they both take the work week to themselves, to focus on their responsibilities, and they come together on the weekends. She said that this gives them time to focus on their individual responsibilities, and on the other end, it gives them time to even miss each other.
Additionally, a good friend of mine posed a question on Facebook regarding if we felt like marriage is a necessity? One woman, commented on the post mentioning how she and her partner had been together for 12 years, and she never liked being single, and she could never see herself without him. While I can understand how and why she feels that way, a piece of me felt sad for her. At about 26 years old, after having been with someone for 12 years, you never got the opportunity to experience yourself as an individual.
I see so many women getting into relationships, completely losing themselves in the process, and decades later, regardless of how they split, they're left trying to rediscover themselves. Trying to figure out wha's next, or who they even are outside of their partner.
As young women, the most important relationship we should be building (outside of our relationship with God), is the one with OURSELVES. Take the time to get to know you as an individual, and partner with people who have taken the time to do the same.
DON'T NEGLECT YOUR FRIENDS FOR YOUR PARTNER
There are so many ways that this goes, and Grown-Ish touched on a couple. 1. Completely neglecting your friend's existence, and 2. Not listening to your friend's untainted perspective. Anyone who's ever been in a relationship will know that, sometimes you will only see from rose colored glasses. That's why its so easy for us to council others, and not ourselves in these situations.
Chile, I have seen so many women say fuck their friends in regards to their partner, and shade no shade, they all ended up broken up with, and trying to re-forge relationships with all the friends they let fall by the wayside.
And while shame may hold us back from being forthcoming about certain details, bouncing what's going on off of a friend - who's probably been through it before - might help you to find some clarity. However, I do believe that it is a balancing act, of not being in a three-way relationship with your partner and your friends.
What you shouldn't do though is literally eat all yo friends up over your man. I literally hollered during the scene where Zoey chewed all her friends up and "took her time on Aaron." This is a textbook example of how not to handle such a situation. While your friends may not always be right, the one thing for certain, is that your relationship with them will most likely out run your relationship with your partner, so make sure you're continuing to nurture it.
As I say every week, I absolutely adore this show, and am looking forward to more laughter, unpacking more topics, and following Zoey during her journey of Grown. New Grown-ish TV analyses every Thursday.