This week, I posed the question "do you treat your partner better than you treat yourself? Or have you in the past?" I believe that an overwhelming amount of Black women are nurtures. So that level of care, extends into those we love. Manifesting itself into us treating our partners with high regard, care, and curtesy. However in retrospective, many of us don't extend that same level of human-ness to ourselves. With that, I am going to explore a couple of the ways that we can date our whole self, through channelling some of our regard for our partners, within ourselves.
I've been talking about the idea of leniency a lot lately. As someone who suffers from SuperWoman syndrome, I've found that I hold myself to unnaturally high standards, without the room for error. I could literally write three blog posts, record and edit a video, lay out my entire week task wise, and would still feel guilty for taking a nap. Or I would knit pick, and find some form of error in what I've done.
I've done away with that though, by extending myself leniency. I've began to check in with myself daily, to listen to my body, and to both recognize and honor what she needs. While this week is busy, my body is also extremely tired, so I am honoring that by taking ALL the naps! Beyond listening to your body though, allow for yourself to make mistakes. To fall and bump your head without internal I told you so's. While it may feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulder's, you are human, treat yourself as such.
Handle yourself with the same level of regard as you would your partner. Going back to that loving and nurturing spirit we have, it manifests for a lot of us as handling with extreme care, and constant consideration. The, "I wonder how they would feel if I did this", or the "it'd be nice if I did this for them." That level of constant consideration creates an internal checkpoint, when you think about your partner. I believe that there is a way for us to consider ourselves, through each of the actions that we make. Take on the "how would I feel if I did this" attitude.
I’ve tried to explain this before, but I’ve found it difficult to connect who I am, to who I see in the mirror, to the body that I live in daily. Given that we only see our full selves in pictures and in the mirror, I realized that I disconnect her from me, me from me. Similarly to the above, once I recognized my body as my eternal home, I began to honor her, and to handle her with care.
For a lot of us, while we are intrinsically motivated to perform tasks, and manifest our dreams, we also sabotage ourselves on the low. Through bad talk, self-criticism and fear. While simultaneously, playing captain of the cheer team for our partners. I talked briefly about the power of the tongue in last week's article, but while we may feel motivated, the level of motivation that we give our partners is different, because it is verbal.
For me, I've found that verbally praising myself feels different, than the shit I think I'm doing in my mind. Literally looking at myself in the mirror, and not only motivating or encouraging myself verbally, but celebrating myself as well. Verbal dialogue with myself, is what honestly the simple most important tool I've used along my journey of self thus far.
Treat you the way you want to be treated, because you deserve it. Take yourself out on dates, and dates can be at home too. It can be, days that you simply dedicate to doing things that bring your joy. They can be spontaneous and on a whim. I've gotten dressed up and took myself to a fancy theater, ordered me a cocktail and some popcorn, and got my life.
I believe that, we have the ability to show people how we want/deserve to be treated, through the way that we treat ourselves. When you don't respect, love or care for or about yourself, it shows, and some people respond by "acting accordingly."
I believe that we are taught how to care for others, before we are taught, or learn how to care for ourselves. It is common misbelief, that our purpose on this earth is between our legs, and in our wombs. Therefore, some of us maneuver with that in mind. Not recognizing that you simply deserve! You deserve more, you deserve to be handled with care, to be regarded, to be encouraged and to be treated well. However, these are not things that we should be demanding. Instead, they are mandatories that we should establish within ourselves, for ourselves.